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Desktop Wallpaper: BFWP & BFWP-BW

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Written by brianmz

September 1, 2014 at 7:31 am

Wallpaper: Shield

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you have spoken.  I choose you, wallpaper!

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April 16, 2011 at 5:34 pm

What Wants New Wallpapers!?

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Written by brianmz

April 5, 2011 at 7:50 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Day 366* Noir Upton, in entirety.

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Noir Upton

It was one of tghose rainy nights where n othing sxtayed dry. You know, got in peoples bon es. The speakeazsy was soaked with saps. Someone had to drfy thed join t up. Babyface beaZnpaw upton c ould dry anything.

Upton knocked on the cellar door.

Crunchcrunxchxcruncxh! Was the sound of his paw on the wood.

A slit opened and a face appeared, masked in alcohol and shadow.

“you are too short and hairy tol enter.” The man laughed.

Upton was not going to let a password bar his entry. The commission was too big. “fuckface! Let me in.” upton said. He knocked the guards face like he had the door.

“ow, ok.” The slat closed and shortly after the door to the basement swung open. The mazn stepped sided tgo let upton through. The gorilla of action pulled his collar up and his brim down, not wanting to be recognizxed here yet.

Upton flung himself down a shofrt flight of strairs and gathered himself on the bottom. A modest bar ran the length of the wall, a low ceiling concealed the bargoers spirits. They drank in quick gulps, not looking around. Those standing were wet up to theire ankles in standing water. The basement was flooded.

The bartender noticed him and whistled, “Hey mack.”

Upton pulled up a stool.

“What’ll itbe?”

“Got milk?”

:Skim or 2%?”

“Breast, preferably,” upton saiod under his brim. His blank stare gave the bartender an uneasy feeling.

“We don’t serve your kind bub.”

“…I could leave, if you want…” Upton got up to leave.

“No, wait!” the baretender said wuickly. “Maybe we got something for you here.”

The bartender reached behind the counter and placed a ripe bunch of bananas in front of Upton. “

Upton let out a sqweal of pleasure.

“Thought you might like those.”

Upton looked at the bartender. “So, I’m here. What do you want?”

Upton had been hired to meet the bartender. That was all. Bananas had been promised.

“We got a water problem here.” He gestered to the stagnant water.

:Not my problem. I’m dry these days. What’s in it for me?”

The bartender produced two more bunches of yelo bananas and five more green buncxhes.

“ok. I think I can help you. I’ll need to see your ppipes. I know just the man to help me. Beautiful crack. I’ll be back tomorrow.” Upton flung himself off the stool, bananas in his Cars suitcase. Boogie was waiting outside to carry him back to the cave. Boss Mommy would be happy to here this.

Mommy wasz happy. She knew that the plumber would be able to fix this messy situation. He did so on a regular basis. He could unclog anything. Hell, his initials were BM. And then, there was the promise of Splash Bay Adventure.

“Splash Bay Adventure!” Upton said with throaty enthusiasm. He pressed himself up against the glass of the plumber’s car. The car sounded excited too, but then Upton realized it was rjun dowen and just angry.

“I promise I’ll take you there after we take care of this mess,” the plumber said.

“Yeah right. You’ll probably just karate chop me again.” Upton harrumphed. The plumber often karate chpped Upton’s spirits. “you arfednt much of a morning person.ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ”

“hey, no need to mocvk.

“Where is this place anyways?” the plbumber asked.

“I dont know. It was past my bedtime last night. It was dark. Musta been around 10:30 o so. Wait, pull in here.” Upton pointed at an old brick building with an alley in the back. The bricks faded and crubmeled in spots. A small cellar door tucked itself away alogn the alley.

They got out and walked down the alley. The shades on a seconfd sotry window peeped open and then shut again. Upton knocked once more on the door to the speakeasy.

*crfunchc rfunc hc rfunch!

This time there was no answer.

Babyface “beanpaw” Upton adjusted his trenchcoat. The plumber pulled up his pants.

From the street, tires sqealed. The plumber’s car flashed past thealley.

“My lunger was in there. No what are we gonna do?”

“And your monkey wrenhc! AhahhahhahahahahQ!” Upton cackeld.

“I have one idea. One idea,” Max said, emerging from the shdaows of the alleyway. “I’ll get you in the club. I know the password.”

“What is it?” the plumber asked. “It’s only getting wetter in there.” Upton’s eyebrows furrowed curiosuly.

Max came closer. “One Orange. One Orange.”

“Two Oranges?”

“No.  One Orange. One Orange.”

“Let’s get in there.” Upton said.

“Two Oranges?” the plumbher just dfidn’t getb it.

“No.  It’s not like that.  Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhgh, Daddy!”

It was trrue.  It was not something that either liked to admit.   The plumber, because he needed to maintain his credibility in the communtiy as the best fixer of wet things.  Babyface “Beanpaw” Upton, because he didn;t want pepole to get the wrong idea.

With Max’s password, the cellar foor opened.  The steps were littered with bottlecaps and milk cartons.  A tiny polar bear sat, head cocked, legs collected on the stool.  The doorman, your friend with the right words.  Otherwise, a pent up mass of pvc pellets and attitude.

They readched the bottom of the cellar.  By now little booties were provided to speakeasy patrons.  Upton and the plumbed slopped some on.  Upton fit snugly into one entirely.  The plumbed put Max on his shoulder.

“We gotta find the source of all this water,” tje plumber said.  “Whjere could it all be coming from?”

“One way.  One way.”

The plumber got excited. He pointed down the hallway in each direction.  “Which way Max?”

Uppy ignored the plumber, instead pushing off  the bottom most step and floating down the bar.  “I see it!  It was too dark last night.  Look!”

The soft dribble of water betrayed exactly where Upton pointed.  An entire bank of Drink-Well Fountains lined the far wall of the speakeasytl.  Their soft waterfalls cycled filtered water and generated small tiny bubbles into the bar.

“A ha!  Don’t you see?”

“No.  I’m suddenly too thirsty to think!”

“Exactly.  These Drink-Wells encourage healthy hydration.  The subtle noise of cascading water throughout the bar must be doubling, NO, trippling the profits of the speakjeasy.”


“I’m thirsty.”

“Nevermind that.  There’s no time to waste!”  Upton said, paddling bacjk to the stairs.  The plumber sat Max gently down on the stool next to the bouncer as he ascended the cellar and followed Uptomn.

Max and Palmer the Bouncer exchanged a loook. “Grumbles won’t like this.  The Cave won’t run without the Drink-Wells.”

Outside, Upton adjusted his trenchoat. “Any ideas how we can stop the Drink-Wells.”

“The only way to stop this is to find a creature so fearless no water nor thirst nor stuffed animal will scare it away.  Fortunately, I know three.”

“Where are they?”

“In my van.”

Upton recalled the plumber’s van, its tires squeling into the day moments before.

“DOn’t worry.  I had Boogie wait around the corner, in case this would happen.  Good help is hard to find these datss you know.”


Boogie trotted up the the duo, untangling herself from a low hanging street banner along the way.  Her mane flirted with the wind at heights only she could maintain.  Her spots blurred with motion and grace and lankeyness.

Upton climbed aboard Boogie’s long neck.  The plumber felt satisfied with the trusty giraffe’s back.  Upton called out, pointing in the direction of the errant van…

“Mush mush, Boogie Boogie!” and they were off.

Boogie mushed with all her might, her mane whipping in the wind and the plumbers face.  Babyface “beanpaw: Upton held on for dear life, his soft padded paws claspsed tightly to the giraffe’s neck, the rest of him hrizontal.
Somehow, it was not long before the  trio caught up with the plumbers van, crawling slowly through the downtown traffic.
“Quick, put me in tyour hood!” Upton said.
“Why? Are we going to the video store?”
:Just do it!  You’ll see”
The plumber took Upton and stuffed him into the hood of his sweatshirt.  There would be no rentals tonight.
“Boogie, halt!”  Upton yelled, his momentum launching him theough the air as Boogie stopped.  He sailed and sailed, flying truer than any stuffed animal had ever flown before.  He flew truer than a Goo-ooesy…
“Weeee!” an annoying girl said, watching from the artsy lounge along the street.
…and landed atop the fleeing van, his soft fur furnishing most of the impact.  Upton crawled forward on top of the plumbers van, eventually reaching the  cab.  Swining in with a swagger no monkey could mimick, he broke the glass of the passenger side window with two bean paws and took control of his  immediate vicinity.
Only to have the driver, a harbor seal with white wiskers and a lazy eye, try to bit his face off.
“The van swerved and righted itself again, the harbor seal coming in for another bite.
“Hey, jeerkface!  Stop that!” Upton demanded, squashing his bonless body downward just in time to avoid the powerful jaws.
The harbor seal stopped, a cocked, empty glance on his face.
It was only then thaty Upton realized the seal was a flunkie.  A schmoe.  A hand-puppet.  Uptons little eyes followed the hand to the the arm to the face of none other than…
“Boss-Mommy!  What are you doing stealing Daddy’s van?  We need it!”
Boss-Mommy, playfullying biting upton’s entire head with the harbor seal, said “I know Upton-Cakes, but we’re going to the source.  We’re going to the drink well factory!”
“Ooo.  Mommy I’m scared!”  Babby face beanpaw upton said.
“Uppy.  It’ll be okay.  Remember what we got in the back!”
Upton took a glance into the back of the van through the narrow window and squeled.
“Mommy, will you let me ride one?”
“Maybe.  Once we get there.  And only if daddy brought your saddle.”
Boogie had no trobule keeping up with the van as it snaked through downtown traffic, before finalyly arriving at the powfder blue factory that was the drink well fountain company,.
The plumber reached the back of the van just as Boss Mommy did.  “I should have suspected as much.” the plumber said.
“I told you I was going to head this way.  You never listen.”
Upton gave a firm beanpaw to the plumber’s face.
“You can make it up to mme, if only you’ve brought my saddle.” Upton said.
The plumber, not to disappoint, opened the back of his van.
“Oh, Daddy Daddy!” Upton yippeed, as the heroic, montrous, cat called Poochie hopped out with a hiss.
“Hope on while you can, Uppy!” Boss Mommy said.
Upton leapt, throwing himself atop the mightly Poochie, only to have her take off straight for the factory- there was much thirst to be quenched.  Thirst for justice.   Thirst for vengeance.   Thirst for plot.
Ut that was not all that leapt out of the plumbers van.  Valiant, terrible, terrible tabby Benny rrrt-rrrted and followed Poochie toward the goal.  They would drink the drink wells dry for the last time.
Boss Mommy spoke, “Come Douglases, join the fight!”
And out of the van came Merry Douglas, red and green stripes in all, and Pumpkin Douglas, her orange skin standing on edfge, and lastly, Cloudy with a Change of Douglas, the grey kitten of innumerable power.
Together, the cats and humans stormed the dirnkwell factory, destroying every fountain in its place and ensuring that never again would the profit of one outweigh the thirst of the many.
The streets of the citty were slick again, as a heavy rain fell.  There was always something to dry up the mess, and that was Babyfave “Beanpaw” Upton.

Written by brianmz

February 7, 2010 at 8:24 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

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People watching

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Written by brianmz

March 2, 2009 at 3:42 pm

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